Okay, I'm confused. When I was a kid my daughter's age I got a butt-whooping when I did wrong, soap in the mouth for using bad language, and slapped for back-talking. I grew a with common sense and morals. As brutally tortured as I was by the bullies in school I would have not been blamed for my actions if I had taken a machine gun to school and blasted everything. My peers knew, the teachers knew, even witness a bullying event in front of the whole damn school during a pep assembly where our choir was going a song-cheer, and little, if anything, as done to stop it except to tell me to just ignore them. Because of the spankings and slaps I got I knew that as response as severe as killing and injuring was wrong.
Nowadays I have to tolerate my child's frequent temper tantrums that occur for no real reason other than she doesn't want to do her work or even just be quiet and listen. She's been getting counseling, which I now think is more like the counselor trying to get shit on me to get me into trouble.
My kid's problems started a little over 3 years ago when I got stupid and let my step-daughter's family move in with us because, once again, the got evicted. Seven months later they finally left, but it was too late. My polite and helpful little angel turned into a screaming mimi and very bossy and demanding. Things were starting to come down a tad until I got stupid again and let another friend stay (he was fixing on my van and here all the time anyway because he's homeless). Another bad idea. He's a know-it-all snobby prick and nit-picks at the kid. Both mine and my daughter's counselor's said he needs to go. I finally pulled up the courage to tell him only after my kid barged into the house after a session and told him "My counselor says that you causing us all the stress and you have to get out!" He left for a while, but would still stay once in a while when he had his daughter for visitation.
NOW, I'm at it again. My sister-in-law hooked up with this guy and went to a party at his brother's. She got shit-faced and took a few too many meds on top of the alcohol during a nervous breakdown. I took her to mental health and ended up becoming her caretaker and with her came her 2 teenage daughter's, one of which has ADHD (goody), and the other who's so much into computers that it's a big fight to get her off. And, of course, her boyfriend, the snob. Seven people in my 2 bedroom trailor, 9 on the weekends when dude and my spouse have visitations with their daughter's from their marriage to the same woman (the mother of the first bunch).
Anyway, my daughter is still having temper tantrums, mostly over homework she wants help with, but actually wants us to do for her that according to her we don't do right in the first place. The other day she had 2 shit fits, one in the morning because she forgot to finish her project (my fault for not reminding her, snort) the later one over homework. I was helping her find her answers in her book, which she says doesn't tell her anything, and started getting interested. She was fiddling around with a pencil sharpener and I was doing the assignment out loud. She started screaming at me that she wasn't ready, and off on a tangent she went. All of us were trying to convince her I was doing nothing wrong and trying to calm her down. I got frustrated with trying to calmly talk to her and slammed the book shut and bopped her on the head with it (not hard, just a bop). Dumb. She just screamed louder and said, what we all thought was the "F" word, so I reached over her head and gave her a firm tap on the mouth. Made her madder, still. She elbowed me, I swatted her on the hip (couldn't reach her butt) and she hit me again. I told her to go to her room and time out for a while, she refused and kept screaming. Dude picked her up (a wrestling match) and carried her to the room where she took her time-out (BWAHAHAHA! Time out?) slamming the door, throwing things at it, saying horrible things and screaming.
Since she started seeing her counselor I've kept a log of her fits and my reaction. I admitted to a swat, bop, or pop when I did them. The bitch called CPS. Got mixed signals there. It's okay to give your kid a swat on the behind, but don't leave marks. If the kid makes a move that causes you to accidentally bruise, cut, or mark the kid, they get taken away and you go to jail. It wasn't an intentional injury like welts from a beating or broken bones or deep bruises, just an accidental circumstance of a move within a move, neither of which could be stopped in the nano-second that it occurred.
I'm suffering the consequences of letting her get away with a little too much, and now trying to bring her back down to earth. Apparently I'm a shitty parent. I'm not coming down hard enough on her, but I'm being "abusive". It's all my fault. She is suffering because I loved her too much in the past, am sympathetic and helpful to others, am trying to make her learn to be responsible for her actions, and trying to turn her back into the sweet little girl she used to be. I'm only doing what I know worked for my parents with me, but am being frustrated in my efforts. My daughter has all she needs, but not everything she wants, can't have her way all the time and subjects my already tattered nerves to tantrum torture and I am not allowed to defend myself against it.
The kids today laugh at "time-out" and "grounding". Look at the difference between my growing up years (66-84 birth to graduation) and the heathens today. How many school shootings, suicides, drugs, robberies and shit was on the news in my time versus now? My generation got a good beating when we deserved it. We had to be social creatures. We knew right and wrong and made the choices, accepting the responsibility of that choice. Now, extrememly violent gangs, drugs, blowing each other up over the stupidest damn shit...they have no social skills and get no beatings. Excuses are constantly being made for them by CPS and others of the same ilk.
So, if my daughter grow up a junkie, killer, or welfare baby machine it will be all my fault for loving her and trying to help her grow up a responsible, social, learned person.
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